Emotional Eating: Having Self-Compassion – Part 6

“You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”

~ Louise Hay

Emotional eating is like a sneaky ninja that shows up when we least expect it. It has a way of hijacking our cravings and steering us towards the cookie jar or that impulsive Postmates order. But what if you could respond to these emotional cravings with a bit of self-compassion? Instead of berating yourself for reaching for that bag of chips, you could offer understanding, empathy and kindness. Having self-compassion is the art of treating yourself with the same care and kindness you would show to a good friend or loved one. It’s about embracing your humanness and recognizing that we all have struggles and moments when we seek comfort in food.

Not only does having self-compassion feel much better than being a human punching bag, but it also diminishes those persistent cravings and irresistible urges. In fact, there are numerous studies that show practicing self-compassion gives you the ability to sit with negative feelings or thoughts in mindful awareness, without feeling the need to avoid or escape through emotional eating. So then, how exactly does self-compassion break the cycle of emotional eating?

How to Practice Self-Compassion?

Well, imagine this scenario: you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Instead of diving headfirst into a tub of ice cream, you pause, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What do I really need right now?” Maybe it’s a moment of rest, a soothing cup of herbal tea or simply a hug. By cultivating self-compassion, you learn to listen to your body and respond to its needs with care. This gentle approach helps you address the root causes of emotional eating rather than numbing them with food. It’s like providing a warm embrace for your emotions, allowing them to be acknowledged and honored.

In addition to incorporating the pause and check-in, taking it a step further with the power of kind and loving self-talk can make a significant difference. This involves consciously choosing to use uplifting and supportive language when speaking to yourself. It’s a way to cultivate self-compassion, boost self-esteem and promote a positive mindset.

Tools for Practicing Self-Compassion

Here are some steps to practice positive and kind self-talk:

1. Be aware of your inner dialogue: Start by creating awareness around your thoughts, emotions and behaviors. Notice if there’s a tendency to be self-critical or judgmental towards yourself. Watch for self-blame and negative self-talk. While you may not have complete control over the initial thoughts that arise, you do possess the power to choose how you respond to those thoughts.
2. Use empowering language: Instead of using harsh or critical words, choose language that uplifts and encourages you. Use phrases like, “I can handle this,” “I’m doing the best I can,” “I am making progress,” or “I have what it takes.” Embrace your humanness and lean into being imperfectly perfect. As I tell my clients all of the time, there are no magical unicorns. None of us is terminally unique.
3. Challenge negative thoughts: When negative thoughts arise, challenge them by questioning their accuracy and exploring alternative perspectives. Replace negative thoughts with positive and realistic ones. For example, check out this thought: “I never do anything right.” Is that really true? Not one thing? You never do anything right? Most likely, that is not true. Try responding with this thought: “I didn’t do as well as I wanted to, but I do a lot of things right. I’m human and it’s okay to make mistakes.” And then use discernment, rather than judgment, to consider how you might do it differently given another opportunity. Each mistake carries the potential for valuable insights and growth – if you let it.
4. Treat yourself as you would a friend: Show yourself the same kindness and understanding you would a friend. Acknowledge and validate your emotions, and reassure yourself that it’s natural to make mistakes or have setbacks – just as you would a loved one. A powerful exercise I often teach my clients is tapping, also known as EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). While tapping on the suggested points 5-7 times, you would repeatedly say, “Even though I feel (state the feeling), I fully love and accept myself.”
5. Focus on strengths and accomplishments: Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. Recognize your strengths, talents and positive qualities. Remind yourself of past successes and how you overcame challenges. Recall how difficult or scary they may have felt at the time and how you ultimately worked through them.

Blocks to Having Self-Compassion

If you find that these steps are a struggle for you, it could be useful to set aside time to reflect on your patterns of self-judgment and self-criticism. Ask yourself what makes it challenging for you to pause and show yourself compassion. Explore any underlying beliefs or fears that may be contributing to this resistance. Do you believe you are undeserving? If so, what makes that true for you? Are you holding yourself to a standard that is of “magical unicorn” status? What makes you believe that someone else should be treated kindly, but not you?

As you consider these questions, remember, practicing positive and kind self-talk is a skill (and an art) that takes time and patience. Start with small steps, be consistent and gradually incorporate it into your daily life. Over time, you’ll develop a more loving and compassionate relationship with yourself. It may not go smoothly right off that bat. And that’s ok. Give yourself the space and grace to make mistakes, to not get it right or perfect. And above all, know this to be true: just because you make a mistake doesn’t mean you are a mistake.

A Few Final Thoughts

By treating yourself with kindness and understanding, you can break free from the vicious cycle of emotional eating. At first this practice may feel weird or even foolish to you, but stick with it. In time, practicing self-compassion will be instinctual and effortless.

Keep in mind, developing self-compassion is a journey that requires patience and consistency. Be understanding and gentle with yourself as you navigate this process. Each small step you take towards pausing and expressing self-compassion will bring you closer to a more loving and accepting relationship with yourself. If you’d like additional support and guidance around having self-compassion, please schedule your complimentary 30 minute coaching session to learn more. In the meantime, be good to you.