“Create a life that feels good on the inside, not one that just looks good on the outside.”
~ Anonymous
How frequently do you reflect upon your core values, those guiding principles that should be our inner compass in this journey of life? Unfortunately, the answer for many of us is “rarely” or “not often enough.” For me, it wasn’t until I picked up a book about what I wanted in a romantic partner that I even began to question my own core values. We tend to focus on the superficial markers of success, neglecting the fundamental essence of who we are and what we genuinely aspire to be. Many people float through life without giving a second thought to their own core values, let alone questioning if they sync up with their daily choices. It’s not necessarily a conscious choice, but rather a simple lack of awareness of the incredible influence they have on our lives.
The truth is, most haven’t made the connection between their core values and the degree of happiness and satisfaction they derive from life. In fact, research has shown that value-based living results in lower stress levels, fewer depressive symptoms and greater self-esteem and satisfaction with life. Therefore, I invite you to begin the journey of uncovering your core values and envision the transformative power they hold when your actions and decisions align with them.
Understanding Core Values
Core values are deep-rooted beliefs that act as the guiding lights in your decision-making process. They define your ethical and moral standpoints, and establish the boundaries within which you live and work. They reflect who you genuinely are at your core, beneath all the external influences, giving meaning and purpose to your life.
What you cherish as a core value could be different from what another person deems important. That said, some core values have a near-universal appeal due to their inherent relevance to the human experience. Here are some examples of such core values:
- Integrity: Upholding honesty and adhering to strong moral principles.
- Respect: Valuing others and treating them as you would like to be treated.
- Responsibility: Taking ownership and being accountable for your actions.
- Family: Prioritizing familial relationships and the bond of kinship.
- Determination: Displaying a never-give-up attitude in the face of adversity.
- Compassion: Extending kindness, understanding and empathy to others.
- Courage: Showing bravery and standing up for what you believe in.
- Loyalty: Demonstrating faithfulness to people and commitments.
- Creativity: Valuing innovative thinking, originality and self-expression.
- Health: Prioritizing physical wellness and mental well-being.
If ‘Family’ is a core value, then decisions prioritizing family time will instill a sense of peace and satisfaction. Conversely, if you find that your actions repeatedly compromise family time, it could breed stress and unhappiness, indicating a misalignment with your core values. Similarly, if ‘Creativity’ is a core value, you will likely feel most fulfilled in a role that encourages creative expression and innovation. However, if you are confined to a mundane, repetitive job, you might experience a sense of unnerving dissatisfaction.
Discovering Your Truth
There are upwards of 200+ core values, so take a look at this categorized list and identify your top five. I recommend breaking up this exercise into manageable chunks, perhaps dedicating 20 minutes every other day, allowing ample time for reflection between these mini sessions. Think about what each one means to you.
Because your values don’t arise spontaneously, you have to intentionally seek them out. Here are some thought-provoking questions that may help during this process:
1.) Who inspires you?
To gain deeper access to your values, reflecting on real-life instances of individuals who display admirable traits can be beneficial. Consider people you know personally, famous figures, characters in books/movies, etc whose lives resonate with purpose and meaning for you.
2.) What inspires you to speak up or take a stand for someone/something?
More often than not, your core values are reflected in your actions. Recall a time where you strongly advocated for an individual or a cause. See if you can remember the feelings that motivated you to speak up or act.
3.) When do you feel most authentic?
When you’re in situations that allow you to truly be yourself, it serves as an indicator that you are in harmony with your core values. Conversely, when you compromise your authenticity to conform or achieve success, it engenders feelings of shame and isolation. Think back to situations in which you felt wrong in some way and others in which you felt like your true self. Extract the values from those circumstances that were at play, such as freedom, loyalty, health, etc.
Next Steps
Once you have chosen your top five, prioritize them in order of importance. This exercise may require some effort and dedication, but the insights you gain will be invaluable. And these five will become your truth north.
After you have ranked your top five, start to examine each one and see how it manifests in your life. You may be surprised to find that your true values are not being represented in your life quite like you expected. This can be both a scary and exciting opportunity, so be gentle with yourself and remember to take it one step at a time. Patience and curiosity will be your besties throughout this journey.
How Core Values Influence Quality of Life
Your personal core values serve many crucial roles. Knowing what yours are will give you direction, providing a roadmap for your life. You will have a ‘why’ behind your everyday actions, adding profound meaning to your existence. And when you come up against indecision, your core values will simplify the decision-making process. They form a reference point, a yardstick, against which you can evaluate your options, making decisions less daunting.
When you identify and prioritize your core values, you create sturdy pillars that support you during challenging times. These values will give you the strength to persevere and act as reminders of what truly matters when things get tough. Moreover, your core values profoundly influence the quality of your relationships. Over the years, I have coached many clients in relationships where there was a lack of shared core values, leading to constant struggles. Relationships that are rooted in shared values are more satisfying, fulfilling and enduring.
Quick Recap
If you live a value-based life and make decisions that run parallel to your personal core values, you create a blueprint for a life steeped in serenity, gratification and profound contentment. On the other hand, if you make decisions that go against your core values, it could lead to inner conflict, dissatisfaction and regrets. But, living in alignment with your core values doesn’t grant you immunity from challenges or adversities. However, when you face these challenges with your core values as your guide, you can navigate them in a way that resonates with your authentic self, leading to personal growth and a heightened sense of fulfillment.
So, step on the path of self-discovery, identify your core values and let them guide you towards a life that resonates with the true you. It’s never too late to start living fully! If you want more guidance and direction with this process, please book your complimentary coaching session with me. This is your chance to ask all the questions you want or jump right into being coached!
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